Citizen of India: Thanks for calling FleecemBank, how can I help you?
US Pigeon: I'm calling to authorize this replacement credit card you mailed me.
CoI: I can help you with that.
[Exchange of personal identifiers]
CoI: How else can I assist you today?
USP: That's it.
CoI: OK. In the future, you can authorize your card by going online at fleecembank.com or texting us at [number] to receive a download link.
USP: Yeah, I know. I don't want to do this kind of stuff online.
CoI: Yes, many customers prefer to speak to a live representative...
USP: It's not that, it's that online transactions are rife with fraud, "hacking," and identity theft. I'm reading about it in the news every day.
CoI: I'll pass that information along, is there anything else I can help you with?
USP: That'll do it.
CoI: Have a nice day.
[Call recorded for quality assurance or training purposes.]